BDSM Guide

This BDSM guide was written by a professional Domme with many years of experience, so everything you read was tested many times in the reality. Still, every experience is very individual and might not be suitable for everyone, just keep that in mind. Enjoy the exciting world of Pleasure and Pain.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism and is an umbrella term for a wide variety of kinky and taboo activities. It ranges from soft to hardcore and there are literally thousands of kinks or activities that people are interested in. Some soft activities are light spanking, being handcuffed or sensory deprivation where the submissive is either blindfolded, gagged, restrained, ears are plugged; or a combination off all of the above. There are hardcore activities like whipping and caning. The broad scope of BDSM is the reason why people need to think about what turns them on and focus on exploring those desires. If you try too many new things at once it can be difficult to learn what you enjoy and what you don’t. Take time when starting out and if you want to try something hardcore you need to work up to it otherwise you risk hurting yourself or the person you’re playing with.

Fantasy to Reality

You could try watching different kinds of porn to see what things you’d like to try and amateur videos will give you a better idea of what to expect than a slick professional video. When you’ve found something that you want to try then do research online if necessary if it’s something that could cause injury. If you’re in a relationship you need to be open and honest with your partner about what you want. It’s scary and awkward because you don’t know how they’ll react but it needs to be done if you want to be happy. Ask them about their fantasies and keep an open mind when they tell you what they’re interested in. See if you can find a fantasy or kink that you have in common and use that as your common ground. Explore that first before other desires since BDSM is something that should be shared between the two of you. Before starting a session agree on a safety word and stop immediately if the other person says it. After care should be done after every session and the type of care will vary by couple. This is the time when adrenaline wears off and things return to normal.  Some people will need time to adjust or will need to be reminded that they’re safe. Aftercare activities include things like cleaning wounds, unwinding quietly with each other or by themselves, holding each other or saying loving, supportive words. A few hours after trying something new think about what you experienced. The emotions will have simmered down and you’ll be able to focus more clearly on what happened. Talk to your partner about what you liked and what you didn’t so that next time you play they won’t make the same mistakes and remember to ask about how they felt too. People should try BDSM if they have an interest in it or if they’re looking for a way to spice up their sex life. Not all BDSM activities are rough and if people try it with an open mind they might find something they enjoy.

BDSM wrist cuffs - BDSM guideBDSM Terms and Concepts:

Hard limits: is something that should be discussed before any type of play is done. These are the things that either the dominant or the submissive don’t want to do ever. The other person must take this seriously and respect those boundaries.

Soft limits: is an activity that the person is unsure of. They might try it at a later time but need time to think about it.

After care: the things you do after a session as things return to normal( taking care of wounds for example)

D/s: Dominance and submission. One person is the dominant and the other person is a submissive

Dom: a male dominant

Domme: a female dominant

OTK: is Over The Knee spanking.

CBT:  Cock and Ball Torture. This refers to any activity that is done to the cock and balls to bring a feeling of pain for sexual pleasure. It could include: ball squeezing, ball trampling, ball binding, dick smacking (done by hand or a toy like a little ruler or whip) or ball stretching.

Bondage: physically restraining someone or a part of their body like their arms or legs. Can use handcuffs, ropes or scarves.

Chastity: denying the possibility of having an orgasm. A chastity device is the best way to ensure complete enforcement.

Collared: when a submissive is owned by a dominant

Pegging: when a woman uses a strap-on to have anal sex with a man

Tease and denial/Orgasm denial: keeping someone aroused for an extended period of time.

Vanilla: a person or activity that isn’t BDSM.

Non-con: is acting out a rape fantasy

Master/Slave: a long term dominant and submissive arrangement that is usually 24/7.

Munch: a get together with other people who are into BDS at a non-sexual environment like at a bar or restaurant.

Play Party: a get together with other people who are into BDSM where there will be activities done.

The Roles in BDSM:

There are three roles in BDSM: dominants, submissives and switches.

Dominants are people who are in control of a session. They are the ones who are direct the flow of the session and are actively doing things to the submissive. They enjoy the feel of power as the submissive tries to please them by either fulfilling their desires or by pushing their limits.

Submissives are people who give up control to the dominant. They enjoy satisfying the dominant through sexual and on-sexual activities, depending on the dynamic.

Switches are people who enjoy both sides of play and will act as the dominant or as the submissive depending on the activity they’re doing. Their role in play may also depend on who they’re playing with, because their partner might only identify as a dominant or as a submissive.

A Domme’s Point of View:

A lot of people think that BDSM is done the same way in real life as it’s done in porn films but they’re wrong. It’s not about a dominant ordering a submissive around and whipping him wildly as he thanks his Mistress. BDSM is an act of trust between two people and the dominant must always make sure to look after their submissive. Respect their limits and provide after care after every session. BDSM is a way to bring two people closer together and to increase the amount of trust between them while exploring their fantasies.

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